What the Heck Happened in 2018

Hello bookworms...bookworms? HELLO? I know it's been a heck of a while since we've seen a post here on the OG RoyReadingCo...like over a year (yikes), but I kinda missed writing out here. I want to start by saying I am so sorry for the absence and the delay, but I pinky promise I have a good reason.

I definitely have some explaining to do and I will get to that by the end of this post. But 2019 is almost here, and I really missed blogging and my biggest goal for 2019 is to start doing what I love again. But before I can do that I know there's some ground work that has to be laid first!

2018 was simultaneously one of the best and hardest years of my life, so far, and looking back on it, I'm proud to say I have most definitely grown. I've found things and people in my life that make me happy and I have learned to put everything in perspective. Life is too short to live with regrets, and I have learned to live in the moment and make the most of every day. I stopped working myself into the ground because it wasn't healthy and it wasn't making me happy. I learned to take a breath and balance myself better so I'm not a constant mess of tired and anxious.

This is partially why I had to take a break from blogging and YouTube for honestly the majority of 2018 because by May I could see myself on a track that was going to burn out quickly. I tried to restart my platforms multiple times and realized I was rushing into things and right back where I started. If anything was going to change and I was going to be able to do what I really enjoy long term, I was going to have to pause, reset and seriously rethink how I was living my life. I noticed very early in the year that reading was starting to feel like a job, that blogging and Youtube-ing were starting to feel like jobs, and that in both cases ever I had the worst, most overbearing boss that expected wayyyyy too much out of me...MYSELF. Reading has always been my favorite thing in the world and it's a big part of my job as a bookseller, but it's not really my job. Reading is supposed to be fun and relaxing and because I want to!! I was also starting to feel like I could only read new or popular books which most of the time I wasn't enjoying. I felt like I had to read what everyone else was reading to be heard, which is so dumb. If you're a reader you shouldn't feel guilty about your reading habits because they're your habits and not anyone else's.

This mindset of "You have to be reading all the time" and "You can ONLY read and talk about these books" put me in the worst reading slump ever. I'm talking like...eight months long. Which is crazy! I missed reading so much and now that I'm slowly but surely getting out of the slump I'm feeling so much more like myself.

2018 also brought some serious changes to my professional life. This summer, after a series of unfortunate events (literally, not the book) I wasn't working at my favorite local bookstore. I was devoid of book nerd interaction for four long, lonely months and if you're in a reading slump the worst way to get out if it is to not be around people who love reading as much as you do. I wasn't consistently talking to people who love reading and writing, and therefore not feeling at all inspired or ready to work.

I also decided to switch schools and career paths which is a huge change to make. I loved my time at BC and my program and especially all of the friends I made, and still have today. Publishing is still a career path I am very much interested in, but I'm not sure it's the best fit for me yet. I decided to switch to a school closer at home so I could work and go to school and decided to try the education program, which is outstanding at my current school. I'm at that awful age where you feel like you're running out of time to figure out what you want to do and it's the game time decision to figure out "am I going to work to make that dream come true" or "I'm keeping that dream a dream." I figured with teaching I'll be able to write on my summer's off and blogging can still happen while I'm actually making a surviveable salary anywhere I want. I also think that environment at BSU is wayyyy better suited for my personality and I feel like I'm learning so much more than I was at BC and I have just as much opportunity. Switching schools was one of the hardest and scariest decisions I have ever made but I am so happy I did.

I spent a lot of 2018 wondering what to do about RoyReadingCo. I love my little blog and my YouTube channel but I wanted to do more with it. But a big set back for me was my own anxiety. Everytime I would post something I would get sick with anxiety that people I know (like random people from high school?? Someone tell me why I care what they think?) would be judging me for being weird and liking books and talking to the internet about it. I'm sorry but I see some of the things people I graduated do and put on the internet and I'm fineeee. I would feel so proud of my work and then immediately feel anxious and want to delete everything, and it was really holding me back and made me feel so defeated. I had to take time to get my mental health in check before I could do this again, because if my mental health didn't improve I was going to be stuck in the same rut forever.

Luckily, now I've surrounded myself with people that actually like me for me, and won't be judgemental for doing what I love. People that will encourage and support me no matter what, and it is such an amazing feeling. The best way to start growing and developing into the best version of yourself is to eliminate the negativity from the your world around you to the best of your ability. In the end, the time off to reflect and make changes in my life was the best decision I ever could have made. For once, I needed to choose me. And I am so happy I did, and I'm sorry that the path to growing and healing took so long, but I'm not sorry that I finally did it.

But as much as I love reading, and I know this blog started as a book blog, there are more things in my life that I love that I want to talk about on here, but I didn't feel like I could... on my own blog.... SO 2019 comes with some transition to more lifestyle blog posts. Yes, there will still be a TON of bookish posts both on here and on YouTube, but there will be other stuff involving my life, school, clothes, makeup, Disney things and the works. If I'm going to do this (which I've already decided I AM) I'm doing it my way and that's that.

I can honestly say that here I sit at the end of 2018 and I am the happiest I have been in a long time, if not the happiest I have ever been. I am proud of how much I've grown and I think that I am finally in a place that can get back to doing what I love and taking my blog to it's fullest potential.

2019 will be off to a slow start for sure, but it will be starting with reviews and blog posts because I have a lot to say to you guys! I'm so excited for this new chapter of RoyReadingCo and I hope that you guys are excited to come along with me! I hope you all had a wonderful 2018 and an even better 2019! I will see you in the new year with some new content and new ideas and I hope to see you then! Happy New Year!

All the love,

RoyReadingCo.